21 Funny Theories About What Jesus Was Doing As a Teenager

‘Chores’
21 Funny Theories About What Jesus Was Doing As a Teenager

For the main character of the SpongeBob-style “30 Years Later” card. So you might be wondering if we have any idea what happened in that span.

A Redditor, wondering the same, turned to AskReddit, and got exactly the sort of answers that forum provides: a mix of jokes, actual knowledge and about 400 people who think it’s an intellectual football spike to say, “Uh, you mean the guy who’s made up?” 

For a collection of the first two, keep reading…

GrandNegusRom . 8y ago That was his goth phase. Не was pretty embarrassed by it so he kept it out of the bible.
Frigguggi . 8y ago Rumspringa.
Shuk247 . 8y ago Burying fake dinosaur bones to trick heathens in 2000 years.
BeerHorse . 8y ago And did those feet, in ancient time, walk upon England's mountains green? And was the holy Lamb of God, on England's pleasant pastures seen? Probably not, no.
thunderbuns2 . 8y ago Hood rat stuff with his friends
. 8y ago . Edited 8y ago Не practiced his math skills so that he could multiply loaves and fishes.
. 8y ago Supposedly he travel east, and the Buddhists have some stories to corroborate.
I_Teach_Dumb_People . 8y ago At 12, he discovered he could turn water into wine. This caused his downward spiral into alcoholism. Не was in and out of rehab through most of his 20s, finally getting his act together around his 30th birthday, when he found religion. The rest is history...or fantasy, depending on your beliefs, I guess.
4apalehorse 8y ago Не was learning reincarnation from the Egyptians.
daitoshi 8y ago Canonically: Taming Dragons The bible is just a bunch of jesus fanfics that a bunch of old guys gathered together, read them all, and then picked a bunch that they decided were 'canon' because they were most 'in-character' and written closer to when jesus supposedly lived (More complicated than that, but I'm boiling it down to ELI5) One of them depicts a young.jesus as a dragon tamer.
. 8y ago In the non-canonized Gospel of Thomas, child Jesus turns a kid into a tree because the kid splashed in his puddle.
Glip-Glops . 8y ago Serious Answer: I think he studied magic in Egypt. Many of the healing and demon exorcising miracles Jesus does are reminiscent of what is described in Egyptian magical papyri.
8y ago My advanced physics teacher has a great theory: Jesus went to live with the monks, learned the art of self control through meditation. When he was crucified, he never died. Не merely slowed his heart down to such a low rate that his pulse was undetectable, and he didn't bleed out. That is why when the Romans stabbed his dead body when he was lifted off the cross, he bled. Corpses don't bleed. Cool teacher. Hates penguins.
LeodFitz . 8y ago Dude, | don't care who your daddy is, if you can turn water into wine, you are going to have a decade or two that NOBODY re.
. 8y ago reached rank 1 challenger on the solo que ladder.
OnTheCanRightNow 8y ago In the middle ages in Europe there was a tradition of stories about this. My favorite one is where Jesus gets teased by a bunch of kids in a village who say he's not the son of God. So Jesus makes a rainbow over the lake near the village, and then walks up it. The children then decide to prove that they can do it too, and walk up the rainbow after him. But just before they get to the top, Jesus makes the rainbow disappear, and they all fall into the lake and drown. ...Not sure
Warhead3pt0 . 8y ago If you are truly curious about his life during those times and other happenings in a general biblical sense then I suggest you look into the Apocryphal Books. The Apocrypha books were the ones omitted from the bible. The scholars thought they would interfere with the bible's message, so they edited the original bible.
8y ago There is a book that is no longer present in the Bible called the Infancy gospel of Thomas, which basically tells about the childhood of Jesus. It was basically part of a number of Jewish writings about Jesus, from ~200 AD. In it, child Jesus smites several children dead for being rude to him, he performs several miracles, and gets lippy with adults in authority.
Insaneshaney 8y ago I once watched a conspiracy video that said jesus was the love child of cesar and cleopatra and that the missing time of his life he spent in the east learning from Buddhists and hindus. Не came back with much of their philosophy which was changed up by illuminati/jewish/roman leaders to be more hierarchical.
KeatonJazz3 . 8y ago Chores.
secretWolfMan . 8y ago Carpenter who avidly debated his rabbi

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